Friday, June 19, 2009

Missing you...

I never thought I’ll be missing you this much. It’s been months since the last time I had a glimpse of you…I miss my every waking hour with you by my side…your smell…the warm feeling just being with you. You’re the first one I want to be with when I wake up each morning and the last one I want to kiss goodnight before I doze my tired body to rest. Several times that you keep me company in my working hours in the office…you’ve been my source of strength and power…my mental booster…and you always help me get through the day.

But now, I have to avoid you the best I could. As much as I want to follow my heart and get you back in my life again, I just can’t. Some of my friends would hate me…and my family might get disappointed if I’ll be stubborn again…and so I have to give up and sacrifice my personal happiness…and it made me sad than ever.

I’m trying very hard to get you out of my mind…even to the point of swinging my longing of you with another love. But you’re just so irreplaceable…and I believe because we’ve been together through the years…and it made me sad even more if I keep on reminiscing the time where I first discovered my love for you. But guess what? I’m seeing my way to that victorious end of not thinking of you a bit. I may hurt you for being so straightforward in sharing how I dealt with the “forgetting you easily” formula but yes, It’s as simple as thinking of the downsides, disadvantages and the troubles I got having you in my life.

They say you have to let go of something so you can have a bigger space for something more deserving on that spot. I believe I really have to let you go now. And before we really have to completely and finally part ways, I just want to thank you for all the wonderful memories that we shared together. (but no thanks for the sleepless nights, the dark eye circles, puffy bags around my eyes and all those painful shots I had in the hospital in the past for bringing me wobbly heartbeat)

I know our path will soon cross again but I’m pretty sure you’re equally happier seeing me with my new found love. And so I have to bid goodbye to you my Brewed Coffee and welcome my new found love vita plus juice drink. The health drink now occupies the big mug you used to dwell in before. But don’t worry my Caramel Machiatto, I can still have a sip of you as long as its decaf…and more importantly, if it’s free…(am I hearing sponsors of my decaf CaraMach? heheheh)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

"ick"

I had a short nice chat with one of my much loved officemate and threw my comments on her YM status. Lian is a very sensible person and I can relate to her in so many ways. I love reading all her e-mails and the sharing of songs…majority pertaining to love, love and love.

Sometimes that I hypothesize whenever I read my contacts’ YM status and shout outs. Lines like “goodbye my almost lover”… “we share something beautiful but dysfunctional … “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na rin sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”… “the beauty of not knowing, Hope lives!”…etcetera, etcetera…

Some would even post a song. Maybe it’s their theme song that moment…“Is there something that you want to tell me, are we something worth fighting for”… “alone again, naturally”… “I love you, goodbye”… “honesty is such a lonely word”… “I can wait forever if you say you'll be there,too…”tralala…tralala…

Reading the lines, it’s clearly about love. It can be colorful and beautiful for some but shady and unpleasant to many. My instinct will tell me if that person is broken and that she would need a hug (and oftentimes, my intuition is right. Some would even cry and start their heartrending story.)

* It’s really a sad fact that when we love somebody, there’s a chance of getting hurt…but you’ll surely know if it’s worth trying. If it didn’t work out, then it’s ‘ick”

* If you really love the person, then try to win him back but do not beg. If he say’s no, then accept it’s ‘ick”

* Always balance happiness over pain. We tend to give enough chances knowing that the relationship will work out but there’s a need to just surrender especially if it’s undeniable hurting already…ouch! Clearly ‘ick”


“ick”…it’s a pejorative word meaning “not meant to be”. It’s from Ally Mcbeal show…the lawyer who amused me with her cynical view of the world. I wonder where the word came from. Maybe from the word click?

Richard Fish : “Hey Joyceally, what happened to you and Larry Paul?
Joyceally Mcbeal: “Ah, err...we just didn't click. Now stop asking me more questions or I'll cut your *ick!"

Monday, June 15, 2009

A new beginning...

Did it ever occur to you that you want to erase an episode in your life? To wipe out someone who caused us pain for us to make a new_exciting_fresh start all over again?

It happened in the movie “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.” Clementine/ Kate Winslet undergone a radical procedure to have Joel/Jim Carey erased from her memory because she was unhappy with their relationship. Much to Joel's distress, he decided to do the same.

If erasing someone can be done that easily, I wonder how many millions the inventor of that procedure can earn with all those people who would want to escape from their painful past ASAP. But my viewpoint is, who needs that kind of procedure if we can just confront our pain heads on without delay…right away…straight away.

And when hemmed in, just imagine how good it feels to listen to music again without being tortured by past memories…getting our appetite back and dining on the same resto again…talk with friends with a light heart…sleep peacefully again…and entertaining a “new love” again.

While some are uncertain if they will welcome a new relationship yet again, I’m sharing some points I learned from Leo Buscaglia about relationship...a very helpful guide should anyone decide a new beginning…

• Always start a relationship by asking: Do I have ulterior motives for wanting to relate to this person? Is my caring conditional? Am I trying to escape something? Am I planning to change the person? Do I need this person to help me make up for a deficiency in myself? If your answer is “yes,” leave the person alone. He/she is better off without you.
• Write down all the reasons why you love each person you relate with. Then when the going gets tough, take the list out and reread it. It resolves problems quickly.
• Don’t be afraid of disagreements and arguments, the only people who don’t argue are people who don’t care or are dead. After an argument is over, forget it.
• Learn to listen. You don’t learn anything from hearing yourself talk.
• Don’t hold on to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.
• Let go of pride. It is usually false, creates barriers and prevents closeness.
• Don’t allow experience to harden your heart; rather use it to become more aware and sensitive.

While there are so many tips to help us retain and sustain a relationship, it is still a fact that not all stays forever for whatever reasons there may be… but that should not stop anyone in loving again…As they say, “never give up in despair and think you are through. For there’s always a tomorrow, a chance to start anew.”

So time to change theme song now Rescel and sing with me… and now, let the love begin…let the light come shining in…who knows where the road will lead us now...tralala..tralala...

Forgive, Forget and Remember...

Whenever anger is dwelling up in my heart, I’m always reminded on this concept…to forgive the person who caused me pain, forget the painful details and move forward and to remember the lessons brought about by that experience. It worked for me, I’m not sure if my friends can also apply the same theory.

I have encountered hurting girlfriends/wives just recently…their boyfriends/husbands walked out on them. Some even had kids who are crying almost everyday looking for their father.

I can only give them my listening ears and nod at them once in a while for I’m not an expert giving advice to such relationship crisis for my married life was a perfect one. Though for these aching women, all they need is someone they can pour out their emotions…advice won’t be necessary for they are very much in pain and the only thing they want is to get even. “I want him to suffer! I want him dead!”

But during their cursing and crying sessions, I can’t help but cry with them, too. Imagine once there’s a very happy relationship who they thought will last a lifetime but suddenly, poof! It sure is the most devastating period of their life. The betrayal and the cheating would cause months of anger, depression, self-pity, remorse, misery, sorrow, and to some, a sense that life has no meaning anymore.

I can really feel their pain…their anger. But I gave my share of not trying to get even no matter how hurt they were. By seeking revenge, it’s like saying that God is not handling things properly. Trusting God with His promise that He’ll take care of us and He won’t allow us, His children to suffer is the best consideration rather than revenge.

To Forgive someone isn’t foolishness; it’s just seeing the offender through God’s eyes. As what was written (Romans 12:19 TM) “Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you…I’ll take care of it.”

Better to Forget that painful episode as fast as you can so it won’t turn into hatred turned into vengeance. Let’s make Jesus as our example, “when he suffered, He didn’t make threats but left everything to the One who judges fairly” (1 Peter 2:23 GWT).

Remember that some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. We only learn the value of a relationship by losing it.

Forgive, forget and remember…that’s how I respond when I’m faced with challenges. By that theory, no one will ever believe that I went through so much pain. Don’t ask me now, I’ve forgotten ;-)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Hotdogs and bacons…

I’ve always loved to eat…and that’s what pushed me to work hard way back college.


Just when I knew that a fast food chain is in need of service crew, I applied right away.And this is the first time that I lied.Told them that I’m 18 where in fact, I just turned 17.Maybe my charming answer convinced the interviewer that I’m really 18(but hey, she should have found that out since part of the requirements that time is a birth certificate…and an applicant should be 18 y/o as this is a strict requirement by dept. of labor…oh well maybe, she didn’t have time to check anymore)


“Welcome to Orange Julius, sir/ma’am!”I remember I’ll get to utter these words hundred times a day…and a “Thank you, come again” before customers leave my counter.

Orange Julius stall in Greenhills was beside Luk Yuen that time and fronting Greenwhich.I used to be the opening crew…should be there before 7am…defrost some hotdogs, crush some ice, ready the vendo machine, have the grill hot ready, chopping some onions and tomatoes, prepare all the condiments, fold some tissues, clean the counter top, etc.I’m alone doing all those stuff (usually, the opening and closing crew should be a male since it’s the hardest job to be done) and so before the official opening time starts (that’s 8am), you’ll find out that a long que of customers already lined up.


It’s very tiring but I’m enjoying it.I’m a fast worker and I can serve 10 customers at the same time (serving their hotdog sandwhiches and smoothies in a blast!).It’s during my OJ time that I learned the systematic way of doing things fast and easy.And I’m very inspired to work…for me to earn so I’ll get to buy my own hotdog with bacon sandwhich soon.I cook lots of them in a day, smell them but never had the chance to taste them…(sigh!)


Days passed by and I’m counting my working hours and computing my supposed to be earnings.Then a very sad experience happened on my 12th days at work.I ran out of bills one morning that I needed to have it changed in the nearest resto.A familiar guy who I exchanged nod with came to the rescue.Instead of running to Luk Yuen so I can personally ask for bill change that time, I end up giving in to the volunteered help by the familiar angelic faced guy whom I only call “kuya” (I didn’t even know his name).All I can remember is he’s wearing a white shirt that I’m pretty sure he works inside Luk Yuen’s kitchen.“Let me do the bill change for you”…pointing to Luk Yuen resto…)So since I can’t leave the store due to long lines of customers, I added another 500 for the bill change.


Almost an hour but no familiar angelic faced “kuya” in sight…and my heart throbs and I can’t concentrate with what I’m doing anymore.Moreso, the customer is waiting for her change on the 500 peso bill she paid me.She was so nice that she volunteered to stay for a bit longer, look after my counter and gave me chance to check for “kuya”.And I returned pale and weak.I can’t find “kuya” anymore.Luk Yuen management didn’t know the person I mistakenly thought of working with them.


And so the hotdog and bacon dream is far possible at this point…and the 1,000 pesos?That I have to pay due to my carelessness.And so my first payroll arrived…a 200 pesos inside that tiny brown envelope. I’m still thankful that I’m 200 pesos richer that time…but I’m poorer andpiteous in reality.Moreso, I won’t be able to give my nanay the 500 pesos paycheck that I planned of giving her (My expected take home pay suppose to be is 700 pesos and my plan is to keep the 200 for my own expenses and 500 for my nanay).


Strategize…strategize…strategize…The 100 pesos should be enough until I’ll have my next payroll. (I managed to give my nanay half of 200 that’s why I have to stretch the remaining 100 pesos).And so after my OJ part time work in Greenhills, often that I don’t pay my jeepney fare on my way to School.(Who would think that a skinny_honest looking_lady an expert of 123 already?)Though there are times that I’ve been honest in telling the driver that I don’t have money to pay for my fare and that I’m willing to sit in the aisle of the jeepney (funny though since there’s a lot of vacant space to sit…and the Manong driver will just tell me to sit down while there are no passengers and just requested me to give way… meaning sit on the aisle again when a paying passenger comes in)I survived my embarrassing_free fare_best forgotten_episode of my OJ Greenhills part time job experience.And just when I ended my contract in Orange Julius, I never had the chance to buy my own hotdog with bacon sandwhich (sigh again!)My 6 months contract left me only P300 pesos savings, (should have been 1,300 if only “kuya” spared me with his evil slogs.But lessons learned…”Be vigilant at all times.Looks can be deceiving…”


And so, another part time job opportunity came…another fast food chain.Not that easy to be part of the company actually.I failed in the height requirement suppose to be but I managed to work it out.Spray net saved me.With the help of the magic spray, my bangs went 2 inches higher and I was 5’3 when the height test came(5’2 is the passing height requirement) Now I have to pass the interview proper and luckily, I made it! I’m well loved Jollibee counter crew during that time.I had received several awards..”Ms. Hustle”(I work/move energetically and rapidly)Ms. Suggestive seller(I was able to sell a thousand of peach mango pie on that month’s campaign), Ms. Smiley (for having a perfect sale…no excess or shortage in my sales remittance) and Ms. Perfect attendance (no tardiness and absences).And all these awards would merit gift certificates of free Jollibee products.


Often that I worked double shifts 5 days a week (I’m the opening and closing counter crew that time…6am to 12nn then 7pm to 12midnight) I have to attend school at 1pm to 6pm in PUP.Tuesdays and Thursdays is a whole day in school so no Jollibee in these dates.The savings is a lot faster this time.But still no hotdog and bacon for me yet.My priorities changed as I need to save money for my new rubber shoes (I’m dying to have my tretorn rubber shoes…PUP campus is flooded with girls on their “trets”…while im sporting my worn out black “kungfu” shoes…my school shoes and Jollibee working shoes at the same time.)


It was only after 3 years when I had my first taste of hotdog with bacon sandwhich by Orange Julius.I’m already working with Pocketbell that time and happened to visit Greenhills to shop for affordable Christmas gifts for my numerous Godchildren and loved ones. Surprised to see that OJ stall where I used to work way back 1990 was not there anymore...Greenwhich not in sight,too…only Luk Yuen was left standing in the corner.I found out later on that OJ was transferred inside Unimart.


Now that I have extra funds to buy my hotdog bacon sandwhich, I ordered3…the 2 for take out (for my nanay and tatay to taste).I wolfed down my share slowly…trying to bring back the time when I keep on dreaming to have my first bite of this sandwhich … then, I can’t help but smile while chomping and biting every bit of it…the taste is so familiar…not that extra ordinary taste…only because the hotdog and bacon are products of SWIFT.Whew!All the while I thought it’s imported from other countries…from Chicago maybe…the producer of super premium vienna beef franks.Hahahha!Should I have known!


Still there’s so much to be thankful for.Hotdogs and Bacons fueled my desire to be successful…earn enough money…so I can have bags and packs of hotdogs and bacons in my ref…Call it ridiculous and petty but my yearning for these "trophy" food is where I learned my first lessons in life…lessons on discipline, patience, humility, perseverance, determination, being hungry for success, etc…It is through these lessons that made me who I am now.


“So hotdogs and bacon anyone?I have some in the fridge ;-)”